Tonya's Twirls

You knew she was in trouble

When you saw her bodyguard

When you saw those two together

You knew it wasn't hard

To see that she was different not just one of the girls

With their gliding and their sliding

And their pirouettes and twirls

Then it turned out that she smoked and drank

& posed practically nude & she didn't smile all of the time

She got angry & was crude

No she wasn't goody two-skates lLike all the other girls

With their grinning andd their spinning

And their winning little twirls

And her childhood was unhappy, her mom was really weird

Her husband liked to hit her but it was poverty she feared

She grew up in a trailer park not like most other girls

With their gliding & their sliding

& their whirling little twirls

Yes they all look like princesses like Barbies to the core

But she was your parents' worst nightmare

The slut who moved next door

From the wrong side of the tracks

She liked the boys more than the girls

With their gliding & their sliding

& their girlish dainty twirls

And it seemed like she was lying

About what she didn't know

& then she started crying in the media side show

In practice she kept falling down more than the other girls

With their gliding & their sliding

& their picture perfect twirls

And they almost towed her truck away

The whole thing was a drag

Forget about Campbell's soup and Reebok

Wheaties or the flag

Ah, there'll be books she'll make some money

That's what they're after all these girls

With their selling kiss & telling & their twisted little twirls

So play the national anthem stand up proud & tall

Oh we hope that ours don't stumble & that theirs slip & fall

Remember Olga Korbut what happens to these girls

With their triple flips & axels & somersaults & twirls

Ice used to be a nice thing when you laced up figure skates

Now it's a thing to win a medal on for the United States

But once there were no lutzes axels pirouettes or twirls

Just giddy slipping sliding laughing happy little girls