A Fine Romance

A fine romance, my good fellow

You take romance, I'll take Jello

You're calmer than the seals in the Arctic Ocean

At least they flap their fins to express emotion

A fine romance, with no quarrels

With no insults and all morals

I've never mussed a crease in your blue serge pants

I never get the chance, this, is a fine romance!

A fine romance, with no kisses

A fine romance, my friend, this is

To love should have the thrills that a healthy crime has

We don’t have half the thrills that the march of time has

A fine romance, with no clinches

A fine romances, with no pinches

You're just as hard to land as the Ile de France!

I haven't got a chance, My heart’s not made of plastic,

You’re the reason I’m sarcastic!

‘cause this is a fine, a fine romance.