Hassle: The Dorkening

I played hassle the dorkening once

had eighteen cards in my hand, all Muds

and I didn't seem to need a mud card to win

hadn't tapped a Mud yet - then the other kid grinned

see he'd just drawn a batallion of rolling explosions

plus a card that made me frozen

those and the roll of a twenty die did it

my last hit point had already got hitted

my last instant had already got acquitted

got called twice in a turn dimwitted

it didn't swell up my ego much

i played hassle the dorkening once

And I'm a make my own game up, and you won't know

which mode of the turn-phase we're in and when to go

and how to lay down cards and at what angle

i'm a have artifacts like Enchanted Kangol

and Mic of Spurious Rhyme Busting

And creatures like MC Chris On Robotussin

And MC Hawking who tramples for ample damage

The rules will be written in C++ and Spanish

and hit counters will increment only

the winner of the hand is the one who's the most lonely

because everyone quit

mumbling about futility and shit