5000 Ways To Die

There must be 5000 ways to die

And each one ends the same way if you try

Your friends all stand around

While they dump you in the ground

And the people who loved you will ask why oh why oh why oh why

And the bastard you hated the most

Will stand up and give you a toast

He'll say "We were such good friends especially near the end"

Then he'll feel up your girlfriend in front of your ghost

So get in your car and drive real fast

Up in the attic with a shotgun blast

Take a bath with a clock radio

Vodka and valium overdose

Have you ever tried?

There must be 5000 ways to die

And if you're very lucky

You'll get your picture in the paper on page three

25 words will summarize how you spent your whole damn life

One day on that page

Next day into the hamster cage

So get in your car and drive real fast

Up in the attic with a shotgun blast

Take a bath with a clock radio

Vodka and valium overdose

All the glamour can be yours with a loaded .44

Have you ever tried?

There must be 5000 ways to die