6969

Somewhere, deep in the slow, eternal dance of the heavens

Drifts a planet called simply Earth

And among the otherwise unremarkable population of this planet

Are two incredible heroes destined to save the future from itself!

Hey, Ninja Brian, I made a time machine space ship

You wanna go on it?

Yeah

Okay, cool.

Soaring through the galaxy

The stars and sky align

The speed of light’s for pussies

We’re goin’ at the speed of Brian

We’re flying towards the sexual peak of history and time

Computer, set a sexy course for the sexiest year - unngh!

6969!

69 (I got my space suit)

69 (and 90 pounds of space lube!)

Crossing through into a fuckin’ wormhole beyond the Milky Way

That shit’s far!

To a time of earth so far in the future

Where everyone gets laid

Twice as hard!

We’re noble knights of honor

On a fierce and sultry butt crusade

Here we are!

Open the bay doors

And let’s live the dream

Give the world a double-team

I bet it’s a billion-person orgy in an ocean of whipped cream!

Wait, this place isn’t sexy at all!

And this robot sign says human touch has been outlawed.

I can’t believe my eyes,

But it’s a world without sex

Everyone here just wears full-length pants

And loose-fitting turtlenecks

Men and women wave to each other from a respectable distance

Without the thrill of boning - what is life?

We must speak to the council of Dick Elders tonight!

Excuse me, Dick Elders?

What do you want?

I know it’s most unusual

To come before you so

But the planet earth sucks balls now

That no one’s allowed to bone

We’ve come from the past to introduce you to ass

Wait, you're Ninja Sex Party?

You will ruin our plans!

Guards, sound the alarms!

If people have sex they’ll break our thousand-year spell

There will be a revolution and they’ll think for themselves

We control this planet of unsatisfied wood

Oh, why does being evil always feel so damn good?

Fuck that bullshit

We’ll make it right

Get ready for a sexy fight!

My dick’s the spark of hope

And a revolution shall ignite

Tonight!

We’re takin’ flight,

We have to find a girl –

Shoot the fuckin' lasers

Shoot the fuckin' lasers at 'em!

Show her what it means to love

And fix this broken world

All the fuckin' lasers!

All the fuckin' lasers at 'em!

The new sex king will rule

let the boner banners be unfurled!

Ninja Brian, look at that girl with the sad eyes and the beautiful blond hair

I’m immediately in love!

69 (she spent her life all alone)

69 (wanna take her to the bone zone)

69 (make her feel the pleasure)

69 (of my only treasure)

I can’t believe my eyes,

But you’re the girl of my dreams

Let’s both tear all of our clothes off

Like two pants-hating wolverines

The love we make will save the earth

From this oppressive dick regime

Oh-whoa-whoa

We’re havin’ sex, now

Oh-whoa-whoa

To change the world, whoo!

You brought three friends, now

Oh shit, they’re girls!

I think it’s obvious

That people liked our sexy show

A multi-billion person orgy

Has broken out all across the globe

The human race, much like my junk,

Will now be free to grow

Let’s go!

Oh-whoa-whoa

But what about the elders?

Oh-whoa-whoa

We tore their world to shreds

Oh-whoa-whoa

Maybe they’ll be cool with it?

Oh-whoa-whoa

Oh, hey, Dick Elders, how's it going?

You two are fucking dead!

So much for that!

It’s time to put on pants

And run away from their death army

Which is starting to advance!

Shoot the fuckin’ lasers!

Way more fuckin’ lasers at 'em!

We can’t die, we’re way too young

And there’s so many girls to ball

Shoot the fuckin’ lasers!

Way more fuckin’ lasers at 'em!

But now we’re cornered,

with our backs against the wall

It’s over, Danny Sexbang!

Your time has come!

But first, we’re gonna take care of your Ninja friend here!

Agh!

Goddamn, Brian!

You killed them all

Now the empire will fall

I have to say, in retrospect,

That was easier than I thought!

Oh yeah!

Our work here’s done,

The future is secure

But my girl and I had one last farewell slam

Just to be sure

For underneath those rockin’ boobs

Lies a heart that is so pure

Take care of this world for me, my darling

I will always love you

What is your name, by the way?

Kristen?

Ahh, a beautiful name

Until that glorious day, when we meet again, Katie, farewell

Now let us fly

Into the night sky

And we’ll raise a glass to ass

In a final goodbye

To 6969

6969

Let us be gone

Our quest is life-long

It’s a sexy destiny

So let’s rock the fuck on!

6969

Fuck yeah

Fuck yeah