Everybody Shut Up (I Have An Erection)

Oh my god, Stacy! Did I tell you about my date with Steve last week?

You went out with Steve? He's so cute!

I know! He took me out to this little restaurant-

Everybody shut up!

I have an erection

It only happens 87 times a day

Just stop what you're doing

And witness penis perfection

This is more important than what you have to say!

Your story can wait, 'cause I am very erect

Now let's all take a minute to watch my dick and reflect

Your spirit's in peace, no need to call the police

Please hold your applause

In conclusion, your honor, in light of this new evidence, I would propose that the murderer was not my client, but... Mrs. Donnovan!

Everybody shut up!

I have an erection

If Justice is blind, she's gonna miss this display

It's hard as steel but still evaded metal detection

This is more important than what you have to say!

Judge, don't give me that robe, 'cause then nobody could see

This pillar of awesome that's sticking straight out of me

Who could argue a case with so much dick in your face?

Please hold your applause

Do you ever take a moment

And look up at the stars?

And think about your life

And just how stupid you are

If it makes you feel better

I'm a fucking rock star

With an amazing penis

But enough about you

Let's focus more on my crotch

It's as tangy as whiskey

And hits you harder than scotch

You might not get what I'm sayin'

So just sit back and watch

Look, (gasp!) it's still my penis

Ladies and gentlemen, as president of the United States, I must sometimes make grave decisions. I come to you today to tell you that the United States has decided to declare war on-

Shut up!

Mr. President, I have an erection!

Here's a tricky dick that cannot be impeached

Check out my nutsack, it could swing an election

This is more important than your boring-ass speech!

For one nation, indivisible under God

We all stand together and peep my glorious rod

Hey, those guys look fun, oh wait, are they holding guns?

Please hold your app-