Samurai Abstinence Patrol

In the tall skyscrapers of ancient Japan

Lived two great warriors: a dude and a man

Who proclaimed no sex until you are married

They were Arin Neverbone and Samurai Barry

Five-hundred years later two heroes were born

One cloaked in blue spandex, the other in scorn

They were Ninja Sex Party, they had but one quest:

To bring sex to the masses ‘cause that shit is the best

In a super-hot orgy with ten girls and a mime

Danny thrusted so hard he ripped a hole in space-time

He chucked up his seed in the Asian night sky

Graphic shots of Dan’s nuts were in healthy supply

Arin and Barry knew they had to act fast

So they jumped through to the future ‘cause they were dicks from the past

They landed two feet from where NSP was rocking

And screamed, “Danny it’s your cock that we now will be blocking!”

Samurai Abstinence Patrol

To control all our junk is their one true goal

It’s a battle for boners and rock and roll

Ninja Brian will stab them in the soul (and the face!)

What could this mean for Ninja Sex Party?

Will our heroes be stopped from their boning spree?

And will Danny get first place in his spelling bee?

The championship word is “nomenclature”

“Uhh, N-O-C—fuck it!”

The orgy ground to a halt and they took it outside

The girls just went home, the mime probably died

Brian ran at Arin while Barry started screaming

Could we really have a future and a world without creaming?

All hell broke loose with the insane war cry

Arin soared through the air, apparently he could fly

Danny French-kissed a girl like he was king of Versaille

And Brian stabbed some random guy with a different guy

The battle raged on ‘til the city was wrecked

But the two sides began to have mutual respect

“Goddamn,” Arin yelled, “you must sure love to slam!”

“You don’t even know,” said Danny, “that shit is my jam!”

A union was formed between both rival camps

And they both started rocking, using NSP’s amps

But the ceasefire ended, and the battle resumed

‘Cause Danny whipped out his nuts, and the alliance was doomed

Samurai Abstinence Patrol

Now their tale will be passed down in sacred scrolls

They were voted most douchey in a recent poll

Independently conducted by Danny and Brian

Is the story over or has it just begun?

Has the battle for boning been lost or won?

The question is a deep and important one

Just like how in God’s name do you spell “nomenclature”?!

“Phew, here we go. N-R—This is literally fucking impossible!”