Quitting Smoking Song

It's the quitting smoking song

All the smokers cough along

If I can do it, so can you

Let's chew some gum and say fuck you

It's the quitting smoking song

All the smokers cough along

If I can quit, you can quit

Let's have some fun, break some shit

Well this is the hundredth, billionth time I've tried to quit

So sick of it, wait, shit, I gotta cough and spit

I was a bitch before but now a triple bitch, bitch, bitch

Slipped on day six and stick patches on both tits, oww

Ripped 'em off with a rash, sick of the crap

Sick of payin' nine bucks a patch, sick of keepin' track (anybody got a match?)

Throw the pack in the trash and blow one fast and light it up

(You shouldn't do that), you know, I know, uh, I don't give a fuck

Can I get to the end and feel bad again

Can't call your friends cause this is the tenth time you said you'd quit

And this time I'm really gonna do it man, I got a plan

Acupuncture and bran, nicorette, treadmill and zyban

Man I feel weak, I feel so dumb

I got ninety-nine problems, cigarettes is number one

Gonna curse Benson Hedges, curse Phillip Morris

Gonna curse you motherfuckers till I make it to the chorus

It's the quitting smoking song

All the smokers cough along

If I can do it, so can you

Let's chew some gum and say fuck you

It's the quitting smoking song

All the smokers cough along

If I can quit, you can quit

Have fun and break some shit

I haven't smoked in a week, all my clothes still stink, eww

What did I used to think, this website says my lungs have one spot of pink, what!

What am I gonna do instead of smoke when one, drinking coffee, two, thinking about the Iraqis

Three, in a boring conversation, four, mad impatient or five, waiting outside

Six, while I drive, seven, feeling crappy, eight, feeling happy, nine, this is not happening!

I can't stop snacking, it's numb-wracking

My pants buttons are snapping and my rapping is totally blocked

Got more wrinkles than a pitbull, plus a new pimple

I'm supposed to be a sex symbol! Yeah

It's official, I'd rather kill myself smoking than live without it

So sick of feeling sick, so sick of myself sick of talking about it

Gonna curse Marlboro, curse Phillip Morris

Curse you motherfuckers till I make it to the chorus

It's the quitting smoking song

All the smokers cough along

If I can do it, so can you

Let's chew some gum and say fuck you

It's the quitting smoking song

All the smokers cough along

If I can quit, you can quit

Have fun and break some shit

Wow, it's been a year, I still got a career

Lost some weight but still don't got a stomach, or dough, like Britney Spears

But I can actually breathe, got some nice white teeth

And I can sit through dinner and not get up to smoke in the middle and leave

Believe me, I've got a lot to say on the topic

If you're a smoker and you know it clap your hands, now stop it!

You look pretty stupid with that thing in your mouth

Pretty insecure with that thing sticking out, little wrinkles on your brow

I don't know how you're gonna do it but you better do it

Your lungs or these corporations, which one you want ruined

I'm sorry, I'm startin' to preach just a little bit

Nothin' worse than a smoker who quit but you smell like shit

Go kiss someone else, you taste so gross dude

I smelled you before you even came close, eww

Gonna curse Benson Hedges, curse Phillip Morris

Gonna curse you motherfuckers till I make it to my chorus

It's the quitting smoking song

All the smokers cough along

If I can do it, so can you

Let's chew some gum and say fuck you

It's the quitting smoking song

All the smokers cough along

If I can quit, you can quit

Have fun and break some shit

Hey can I have a cigarette now?