Loathe Thy Neighbor

Picture an elderly lady peeking through her blinds

You wave her a friendly hello

While she glares with judging eyes

Her glasses held by chails on pointy 1960's frames

They help her see your faults

As she's squinting with disdain

A retired English teacher with an overwhelming fragrance

Still alive too stubborn to die

And death don't have the patience

She has more cats than children by an order of magnitude

And when ever she loses at bingo

She takes it out on you

Calls the cops on her rotary phone

Every time you try to mow the lawn

Close your blinds lock your doors

I mind my business now you mind yours

Keep to yourself and stay off my grass

Now get off my porch and get off my ass

Get off my ass go back inside

Stay in your home leave me alone

Imagine a jerk in his 40's

In front of the broke down house that he rents

Not all that bright chugging Natural Light

Flicking ciggarette butts over your fence

Screaming all day at his beat up truck

That he always fails to repair

More stains on his shirt than teeth in his mouth

And he doesn't seem to care

A former high school quarterback

With delusions of long past glory

Blasts 80's crap from his Pontiac

As he tells you his whole life story

He parks and blocks my driveway then

Dumps his cup of tobacco spit

Setting fireworks of after midnight?

I'm about to lose my SHHH-... temper.

Mows his lawn at 2 a.m.

He likes me but I hate him

Deadbeat dad he doesn't pay child support

Looks like Carl from Aqua Teen Hunger Force

Close your blinds lock your doors

I mind my business now you mind yours

Keep to yourself and stay off my grass

Now get off my porch and get off my ass

We all hate the HOA

All the homes they look the same

The mortage states the house belongs to me

You need to chill the fuck out and get off my property

Some are so friendly but some of them are enemies

Makes me neurotic and keeps me on guard

Battling those neighbors with tolerant diplomacy

Tempts me to pour bleach on their yard

I pour bleach on your yard

I spelled "BITCH" on your lawn

That's right FUCK your grass

Loathe thy neighbor