Nightmare Before Christmas

Twas the night before Christmas

And I'd gone to bed late

Lord only knows how much pizza I ate

Christmas Eve I dreamed that Santa was arrested

Yeah, they handcuffed him and they hauled him off to jail

Christmas Eve I dreamed that Santa was arrested

For crimes so bad they held him without bail

Cruelty to Reindeer was the first charge that they read

We got there just in time your Honor

He had nine of them hitched to a heavy sleigh

And abuse is indicated ones got a nose that's awfully red

And the prosecution had only just begun

OSHA closed his workshop down for safety violations

And there product liability claims for every toy built since creation

We found out he hires only Elf's and of course that's discrimination

He'll be put away for life before we're done

That sled is not air worthy

The FAA won't certify

He's over sixty with corrected vision therefore he should not fly

Why this could be the trail of the century

There's over ten billion instances of unlawful entry

Christmas Eve I dreamed that Santa was arrested

And not only for the things they claimed he did

Christmas Eve I dreamed that Santa was arrested

For being a poor roll model for kids

Why just look at him there your honor

He doesn't shave or cut his hair

And he grossly over weight and he only works one day a year

Now we all know he smokes tobacca

And they's fur on that suit he wears

We must protect our kids from men like this

Order, or, order in the court said the judge

I've heard enough about his crimes

And clearly this is a man who's out of step with modern times

But one of those houses he so often entered unlawfully was mine

And therefore all charges are dismissed

Oh, I woke up to the sound of Ho, Ho. Hoin'

Reindeer hoofs upon my roof and it was snowing

And as I watch him fly away it was good knowing

That some things that are politically incorrect can still be right

Merry Christmas to all and to all A Merry Christmas Eve goodnight

Must have been the pepperoni