La Vie Boheme
MANAGER
No, please no
Not tonight, please no
Mister, can't you go
Not tonight, can't have a scene
ROGER
What?
MANAGER
Go, please go, you, hello sir!
I said no, important customer
MARK
What am I, just a blur?
MANAGER
You sit all night
You never buy
MARK
That's a lie
That's a lie
I had a tea the other day
MANAGER
You couldn't pay!
MARK
Oh, yeah
COLLINS
Benjamin Coffin III, here?
MANAGER
Oh, no
ALL
Wine and beer!
MAUREEN
The enemy of Avenue A
We'll stay
MANAGER
Oy vey
COLLINS
What brings the mogul in his own mind
To the Life Cafe?
BENNY
I would like to propose a toast
To Maureen's noble try
It went well
MAUREEN
Go to hell
BENNY
Was the yuppie scum stomped?
Not counting the homeless
How many tickets weren't comped?
ROGER
Why did Muffy-
BENNY
Alison
ROGER
-Miss the show?
BENNY
There was a death in the family
If you must know
ANGEL
Who died?
BENNY
Our akita
MARK, ROGER, ANGEL, COLLINS
Evita
BENNY
Mimi, I'm surprised
A bright and charming girl like you
Hangs out with these slackers
Who don't adhere to deals
You make fun, yet I am the one
Attempting to do some good
Or do you really want a neighborhood
Where people piss on your stoop every night?
Bohemia, Bohemia's
A fallacy in your head
This is Calcutta
Bohemia is dead
MARK
Dearly beloved, we gather here to say
Our goodbyes
COLLINS & ROGER
Dies Ira, Dies Illa
Kyrie Eleison
Yitgadal V' Yitkadash (etc.)
MARK
Here she lies,
No one knew her worth
The late great daughter of Mother Earth
On these nights when we celebrate the birth
In that little town of Bethlehem
We raise our glass
You bet your ass to...
La Vie Boheme
ALL
La Vie Boheme
La Vie Boheme
La Vie Boheme
La Vie Boheme
MARK
To days of inspiration,
Playing hookey, making something
Out of nothing, the need
To express to communicate,
To going against the grain,
Going insane,
Going mad
To loving tension, no pension
To more than one dimension,
To starving for attention,
Hating convention, hating pretension,
Not to mention of course,
Hating dear old mom and dad
To riding your bike
Midday past the three piece suits
To fruits, to no absolutes
To Absolut, to choice
To the Village Voice
To any passing fad
To being an us for once,
Instead of a them
ALL
La Vie Boheme
La Vie Boheme
La Vie Boheme
MAUREEN
Is the equipment in a pyramid?
JOANNE
It is, Maureen
MAUREEN
The mixer doesn't have a case
Don't give me that face!
MR. GREY
Ahemm
MAUREEN
Hey Mister... She's my sister
WAITER
So that's five miso soup,
Four seaweed salad
Three soy burger dinner,
Two tofu dog platter
And one pasta with meatless balls
BOHEMIAN
Eww
COLLINS
It tastes the same
MIMI
If you close your eyes
WAITER
And thirteen orders of fries
Is that it here?
ALL
Wine and beer!
MIMI & ANGEL
To hand-crafted beers made in local breweries
To yoga, to yogurt, to rice and beans and cheese
To leather, to dildos, to curry Vindaloo
To Huevos Rancheros, and Maya Angelou
MAUREEN & COLLINS
Emotion, devotion, to causing a commotion,
Creation, Vacation
MARK
Mucho masturbation
MAUREEN & COLLINS
Compassion, to fashion, to passion
When it's new
COLLINS
To Sontag
ANGEL
To Sondheim
FOUR PEOPLE
To anything taboo
COLLINS & ROGER
Ginsberg, Dylan, Cunningham and Cage
COLLINS
Lenny Bruce
ROGER
Langston Hughes
MAUREEN
To the stage!
PERSON #1
To Uta
PERSON #2
To Buddha
PERSON #3
Pablo Neruda, too
MARK & MIMI
Why Dorothy and Toto went over the rainbow
To blow off Auntie Em
ALL
La Vie Boheme
MAUREEN
And wipe the speakers off before you pack
JOANNE
Yes, Maureen
MAUREEN
Well, hurry back
MR. GREY
Sisters?
MAUREEN
We're close
ANGEL, COLLINS
Brothers!
MARK, ANGEL, MIMI & 3 OTHERS
Bisexuals, trisexuals, Homo Sapiens,
Carcinogens, hallucinogens, men,
Pee Wee Herman
German wine, turpentine, Gertrude Stein
Antonioni, Bertolucci, Kurosawa
Carmina Burana
ALL
To apathy, to entropy, to empathy, ecstasy
Vaclav Havel, The Sex Pistols, 8BC
To no shame, never playing the fame game
COLLINS
To marijuana
ALL
To sodomy
It's between God and me
To S & M
BENNY
Waiter, Waiter, Waiter!
ALL
La Vie Boheme
COLLINS
In honor of the death of Bohemia an impromptu salon will commence immediately following dinner...
Maureen Johnson, back from her spectacular one night performance at the Eleventh Street Lot
Will perform Native American tribal chants, backwards through her vocoder, while accompanying herself on the electric cello which she ain't never studied.
ROGER
And Mark Cohen will preview his new documentary about his inability to hold an erection on high holy days.
MARK
And Mimi Marquez clad only in bubble wrap, will perform her famous lawnchair handcuff dance to the sounds of ice tea being stirred
BENNY
Your new boyfriend doesn't know about us?
MIMI
There's nothing to know
BENNY
Don't you think that we should discuss-
MIMI
It was three months ago
BENNY
He doesn't act like he's with you
MIMI
We're taking it slow
BENNY
Where is he now?
MIMI
He's right-hmm
Where'd he go?
MARK
And Roger will attempt to write a bittersweet, evocative song
That doesn't remind us of 'Musetta's Waltz'
COLLINS
Angel Dumott Schunard will model her latest fall fashions from Paris while accompanying herself on the 10-gallon plastic pickle tub.
ANGEL
And Collins will recount his exploits as an Anarchist... Including the tale of
His successful reprogramming of the MIT virtual reality equipment to self-destruct as it broadcasts the words:
ALL
'Actual Reality - ACT UP - Fight AIDS! '
BENNY
Check!
MIMI
Excuse me, did I do something wrong?
I get invited, then ignored all night long
ROGER
I've been trying, I'm not lying
No one's perfect, I've got baggage
MIMI
Life's too short babe, time is flying
I'm looking for baggage that goes with mine
ROGER
I should tell you-
MIMI
I've got baggage, too
ROGER
I should tell you--
BOTH
Baggage-
OTHERS
Wine And Beer!
MIMI
AZT break
ROGER
You?
MIMI
Me. You?
ROGER
Mimi