Don't Sit On My Jimmy Shands

When the party hit full swing

I saw you come reeling in

You had that six-pack in a stranglehold

Now you stagger, now you sway

Why don't you fall the other way

Cause I've got something here

Worth more than gold

I said "Don't sit on my Jimmy Shands

Don't sit on my Jimmy Shands

They don't mend with sticky tape and glue

Don't sit on my Jimmy Shands

Don't sit on my Jimmy Shands

And that's my very best advice to you"

Call me precious, I don't mind

78s are hard to find

You just can't get the shellac since the war

This one's the Beltona brand

Finest label in the land

They don't make them like that anymore

I said "Don't sit on my Jimmy Shands

Don't sit on my Jimmy Shands

Unless you want to wind up black and blue

Don't sit on my Jimmy Shands

Don't sit on my Jimmy Shands

And that's my very best advice to you"

Darling though you're twice my size

I don't mean to patronize

Honey let me lead you by the hand

Find a lap or find a chair

You can park it anywhere

Just don't rest your cheeks against my man

I said "Don't sit on my Jimmy Shands

Don't sit on my Jimmy Shands

They don't mend with sticky tape and glue

Don't sit on my Jimmy Shands

Don't sit on my Jimmy Shands

And that's my very best advice to you"

No shindig is half complete

Without that famous polka beat

That's why they invite me, I suppose

Waltzes, strathspeys, eights, some reels

Now you know how good it feels

Crank that handle babe, away she goes

I said "Don't sit on my Jimmy Shands

Don't sit on my Jimmy Shands

Unless you want to wind up black and blue"

I said "Don't sit on my Jimmy Shands

Don't sit on my Jimmy Shands

That's my very best advice to you"