Miss Patsy

My dearest Miss Patsy, I?m writing to say

That I?m sorry to not be in touch

It?s been quite a parade, but my thoughts never strayed

Too far, or too long, or too much

Miss Patsy, forgive all the choices I made

I?ve been fighting shadows on the wrong crusade

Looking for ghosts in a penny arcade

Miss Patsy, no more will I roam

Miss Patsy, won?t you carry me home?

They held me to ransom back there in the foothills

And nobody stumped up a bean

Not Swifty, nor Eddie, came up with the ready

It can make you think people plain mean

I?ve been hanging out with some virtuous people

They emptied my bank account twice

They gave me self-confidence, even some clothes

And a truckload of love and advice

When they gave out the cyanide pills with a wink

And said, "Wait for the word, any day now, we think"

I knew it was time to pull back from the brink

Miss Patsy, no more will I roam

Miss Patsy, won?t you carry me home?

Miss Patsy, I looked at myself in the mirror

Decided I needed some work

Got me a nose job, a shave and a haircut

To drive all them ladies berserk

But the arm 'round my waist was a man in dark blue

He said, "Ain?t you him? We?ve been looking for you"

Now I?m sharing a cell with a holy kung fu

Miss Patsy, no more will I roam

Miss Patsy, won?t you carry me home?