Play Your Cards Wrong

If you play your cards wrong

You can take me home tonight

You've got all the makings

Of my future ex-wife

I've got 3 bucks

My credit sucks

And my future don't look to bright

If you play your cards wrong

You can take me home tonight

Some call me a loser

And a lazy no good slob

I've lost my house

I've got no car

I can't keep a job

But I've got a big heart

And another part

Take me home, you'll understand

Because my genitalia looks like a pringles can

If you play your cards wrong

You can take me home tonight

When I pull my pants down

Hey you won't believe I'm white

It's been said that I'm Mr. Ed

But don't worry, I won't bite

If you play your cards wrong

You can take me home tonight

Some call me dishonest

And they say I'm just lyin'

But I peed next to ol' John Holmes and

He started cryin'

On a sunny day I've got it made

Get under my wiener if you need shade

If you play your cards wrong

You can take me home tonight