Everything's Coming Up Roses

Here we are in court today

Rose just took the stand

She's divorcin' me for reasons

I still don't understand

That dress is showin' more of her

Than I've seen in years

And the story that she's tellin's

Even got the judge in tears

She's accusin' me of hangin' out

With girls of ill repute

Adultery, abandonment

Even alcohol abuse

I just heard my mother shout

Your honor throw the book

And even my attorney

Just gave me a dirty look

Everything's coming up roses

The house, the car

The kids and all the cash

Everything's coming up roses

And I'll be lucky

If I keep the shirt that's on my back

My head is buried in my hands

The courtroom is adjourned

She got all I ever made

And all I'll ever earn

If I had a handkerchief

I'd break right down and cry

Why, even Johnny Carson

Got a better deal than mine

Everything's coming up roses

The house, the car

The kids and all the cash

Everything's coming up roses

And I'll be lucky

If I keep the shirt that's on my back

Everything's coming up roses

And I'll be lucky

If I keep the shirt that's on my back