Friday The 13th

It was a fine left coast morning

And I found myself planted outside

The Cap 'N' Cork

Tipping back the hops

In order to calm my dancing hands

You see I usually don't play

The tied-up watchdog routine

Looking up and down the street

But this is the corner

Joey A., my car and I

Were supposed to meet

You see Joey The Amateur and I

Were out clinkin' glasses last night

When I got three sheets to an ill wind

Myself being in possession

Of a fine Double 5 Lincoln convert

Joey offered to skip me back to the crib

I awoke to a barren driveway

And a neighbor started to chide

"Joey dumped you off,

And he's got your ride!"

Black cats, they don't bother me

I smile in bad company

And I'm cool as the day is long

But takin' my car, daddy

That's dead wrong

It was now 11:22

And up scuffles Benny The Shoe

A real hot air merchant from way back

I inquired about Joey A.

And my superfine Lincoln

Then Mr. B.S. beat his gums

And testified to me,

"Joe's washing the short,

Changing da oil

He'll be here by three."

So the little hand hits three

And who should appear

But a Cuban cat named Geronimo

An upstanding cat

In the textile business

He said, "Joey knocked over a racketman

And is laying low for a few,

But in your trunk he left you some treasure

A pint of rye and a case of Slim Jim's

For your masticating pleasure

Now ten p.m. finds me

Hot as a hophead's zippo

When Rosie appears

On her financially motivated

Nightly exercise routine

I asked the whereabouts

Of the horsepower thief in question

And she shot me that amphetamine stare

And said, "Joey A.?

I just got out of his Lincoln

On Hollywood Way."

I thought

"Kill Joey A.!" when the bar keep came out

To simmer my slow boil

He said, "Joey A. just called on the blower,

He said you better skip town,

'Cause the cops got your ride.

You're wanted for solicitation,

Possession -- you owe him one,

And here's the scather." He said,

"And another thing cat,

Don't ask me for

Goddamn favors!"