800 Pound Jesus

I saw a garage sale

Pulled up in the yard

Found a statue of Jesus

It was eight feet tall

He held out his arms

And he seemed all alone

So I loaded him up

And drove him home

Out by my driveway he

Looks down the street

With his long hair and sandals made

Of rebar and concrete

I painted him white with a long purple robe

He's a rock of ages on our gravel road

He's an eight-hundred pound Jesus

Standing taller than a tree

He's an eight-hundred pound Jesus

A bigger man than you or me

I thought loosin' my job was

The end of the world

Till my best pal ran off with my best girl

I felt suicidal with no real friends

So I walked outside with a rope in my hand

Out by that statue there's a big old tree

So I stood on his shoulders

And I counted to three

I had every intention of buying the farm

But when I jumped off he caught me in his arms

I wanted to return the favor to him

Cause I never had a more solid friend

So I planted some flowers

All around his feet

And I bought him a flock

Of ceramic sheep

He's a bigger man

Than you or me