Swordfishtrombones

Well he came home from the war

with a party in his head

and modified Brougham DeVille

and a pair of legs that opened up

like butterfly wings

and a mad dog that wouldn't

sit still

he went and took up with a Salvation Army

Band girl

who played dirty water

on a swordfishtrombone

he went to sleep at the bottom of

Tenkiller lake

and he said "gee, but it's

great to be home."

Well he came home from the war

with a party in his head

and an idea for a fireworks display

and he knew that he'd be ready with

a stainless steel machete

and a half a pint of Ballentine's

each day

and he holed up in room above a hardware store

cryin' nothing there but Hollywood tears

and he put a spell on some

poor little Crutchfield girl

and stayed like that for 27 years

Well he packed up all his

expectations he lit out for California

with a flyswatter banjo on his knee

with a lucky tiger in his angel hair

and benzedrine for getting there

they found him in a eucalyptus tree

lieutenant got him a canary bird

and shaked her head with every word

and Chesterfielded moonbeams in a song

and he got 20 years for lovin' her

from some Oklahoma governor

said everything this Doughboy

does is wrong

Now some say he's doing

the obituary mambo

and some say he's hanging on the wall

perhaps this yarn's the only thing

that holds this man together

some say he was never here at all

Some say they saw him down in

Birmingham, sleeping in a

boxcar going by

and if you think that you can tell a bigger tale

I swear to God you'd have to tell a lie...