My Bathroom Disaster

Gotta step in the bathroom super fast

To check her current Facebook dating status

To see if this is a confusing friend-zone thing

I don't wanna pay if it's a friend-zone thing

But I totally will if it's a makeout thing!

Might make me seem like a jerk, but whatever

This quick trip to the bathroom

Is the best idea ever!

Wait, it seems kinda weird to just be on my phone

I should probably just fake that I'm using a toilet

Should I fake a number one or a number two?

I'll fake a number one so I won't drop my pants

And I'm kind of embrassed about my Spongebob undies

On my phone, fake peeing - "Holy shit I'm clever!"

This quick trip to the bathroom

Is the best idea ever!

Oh crap, now that I'm at a urinal I actually have to pee

Do I aim at the back wall or at the urinal cake?

Great, now I'm kinda hungry for some cake

And why is there always a random piece of gum in the bowl

And where did that stray pubic hair come from?

Seriously, every time I use an urinal there's one in there

Like, do people start losing their hair down there?

Or did it get caught in someone's zipper and come out?

Or did it... Wait, why am I think of love? That's gross

I got pee blowback on my pants! They're ruined forever

This quick trip to the bathroom

Might not be the best idea ever.

Out of nowhere, my foot gets taped

Maybe it's an accident and no big deal

Gotta look over and see who did it

Whatever I do, don't look at his junk

Oh crap, I looked and he's not into it

Dammit, I looked it again and he's even more not into it

I might've just got a boyfriend who will love me forever

This quick trip to the bathroom

Is becoming the worst idea ever

Gotta get away from Creepy Urinal guy

The guy next to me gruts like he's giving a birth

A play a game on my phone to drown out the noise

Oh man, I forgot Flappy Bird doesn't have music

It smells like Shrek's dick in here I need to flee

Gotta wash my hands so the don't smell like pee

What the hell? "Employees must wash hands?"

I guess I have to wait for an employee to wash my hands

Ehm... Hello? I guess I need an em-employee

Are there any employees?

Seriosly, man, making noise won't help

I'm gonna leave a bad review on Yelp

Just then my date ruins to the urinal

Lifts up her skirt and starts peeing like a man!

I guess my date is a dude - I'm not all that clever

This quick trip to the bathroom

Was the worst idea ever

Then Creepy Urinal guy confronts my date

"I totally knew you were cheating on me!"

So I guess the Creepy guy is her boyfriend

I'm super confused and it's only getting worse

Then someone wholooks exactly like my date walks in

"That's my brother, my identical twin!"

All this crazy shit is making my head spin

So I pull out my gun and point at them

"I don't know which one of you I have to shoot!"

"You don't have to shoot either of us!"

"Yeah, I guess you're great... but..."

"Now I you're totally single."

"The three of us should get naked and mingle."

I had the twins pay the check - I told you I was clever

This quick trip to the bathroom

Was the best idea ever!