It's Not Cricket

She used to do a topless down at the Surrey Docks

With tassels on her whatsits she did a t'riffic job

Of raising all the eyebrows of every lunchtime mob

She went with all the tossers who kick about a ball

They say their club's the greatest, and she has kissed them all

At the Arndale Center, she's up against the wall

I can't name names cause that's not cricket

I can't name names that would put me in it

But that's another story in the finish

I saw them at the pictures a tangled heap of love

He had so many women, but only classy stuff

I saw him at the clinic, a pink card up his cuff

One holiday in Bognor a stag night hit the town

The groom is in the car park with his trousers down

But that's another story that won't be going round

I can't name names cause that's not cricket

I can't name names that would put me in it

But that's another story in the finish

The Deptford had a beano to Southend for the night

With 40 crates of lager, to see the Southend lights

The got home for their breakfast pissed out of their minds

This girl gave me the minces so I asked her for a dance

And in the death I kissed her and so I took a chance

And when I went to touch her, she tried to break my arm

I can't name names cause that's not cricket

I can't name names that would put me in it

But that's another story in the finish