Garnetts Homemade Beer

Oh the year was nineteen seventy-eight,

(How I wish I'd never tried it now,)

When a score of men were turned quite green

By the scummiest ale you've ever seen

God damn them all,

I was told this beer was worth it's weight in gold

We'd feel no pain, she'd no tears,

But it's a foolish man who shows no fear

At a glass of Garnett's homemade beer.

Now Garnett Rogers cried the town

(how I wish I'd never tried it now,)

For 20 brave men all masochists who

Would taste for him his homemade brew.

God damn them all,

I was told this beer was worth it's weight in gold

We'd feel no pain, she'd no tears,

But it's a foolish man who shows no fear

At a glass of Garnett's homemade beer.

This motley crew were a sickening sight

(how I wish I'd never tried it now,)

There was caveman Dave with his eyes in bags

He'd a hard-boiled liver and the staggers and jags.

God damn them all,

I was told this beer was worth it's weight in gold

We'd feel no pain, she'd no tears,

But it's a foolish man who shows no fear

At a glass of Garnett's homemade beer.

We hadn't been there but an hour or two

(how I wish I'd never tried it now,)

When a voice said "Give me some homemade brew"

As steeleyed Stan hove into view.

God damn them all,

I was told this beer was worth it's weight in gold

We'd feel no pain, she'd no tears,

But it's a foolish man who shows no fear

At a glass of Garnett's homemade beer.

Now steeleyed Stand was a frightening man

(how I wish I'd never tried it now,)

He was eight foot tall and four foot wide

Said "pass that jug or I'll tan your hide.

God damn them all,

I was told this beer was worth it's weight in gold

We'd feel no pain, she'd no tears,

But it's a foolish man who shows no fear

At a glass of Garnett's homemade beer.

Stan took one sip and pitched on his side

(how I wish I'd never tried it now,)

Garnett was smashed with a cupful of drugs

And his breath set fire to both me legs.

God damn them all,

I was told this beer was worth it's weight in gold

We'd feel no pain, she'd no tears,

But it's a foolish man who shows no fear

At a glass of Garnett's homemade beer.

Now here I am with my 23rd beer

(how I wish I'd never tried it now,)

It's six long years since I felt this way

On the night before my wedding day.