The Book Of Nook

Oh, shit, let's play Animal Crossing now

Come on everybody I'll show you how

Now listen real close, I'ma tell you the sitch

Cause my name is Tom Nook and I run this bitch

Congratulations, you bought a new home

Oh, you can't afford it? I can give you a loan

You can catch some bugs till the debt's been paid

Cause you're the newest member of my slave trade

That's right motherfucker, this shit got real

I rule this crossing with my balls of steel

I also like to rule it with huge ass guns

And Timmy and Tommy, my giant mongoloid sons

Kapp'n the turtle's gonna be your new guide

Who can show you where the people who have crossed me died

So give me your bells and don't misbehave

Or I'll get Mr. Resetti to fucking dig you a grave

Animal Crossing, Animal Crossing is not a place you wanna fuck around

Now you're in Nook's town

Where crazy shit goes down

So sell seashells and make some bells and shut your fucking mouth

Animal Crossing, Animal Crossing, this is his land

Now taste the back of his pimp hand

His balls are brass

And he's the mayor of your fucking ass

Damn, that's right, slut

You got once choice, bow down or get cut

You better recognize the tanuki tycoon

And my thug life gang of adorable goons

My owl assassin with a little bow tie

You don't matter to Blathers, he'll make your ass die

He'll tell you 'bout insects, letters and numerals

And he'll get K.K. to fucking sing at your funeral

Kicks sells shoes and he doesn't take sass

And my boots are beautiful when I stomp your ass

Brewster serves you coffee and scones

And stabs your neck if you don't pay my loan

So sell some shit to my alpacas down south

And if you don't, I'll-pack-a my nuts in your mouth

You want in this town, you better bring some bells

Or I'll cock the Glock and fucking send you to hell

Yeah!

What, you don't like my prices?

Then go somewhere else!

Oh wait, you can't; you're trapped in my town, bitch!

So go to that island, and catch some beetles, sell them to my alpacas

Your nuts are on special!