Killing Myself to Live

So now I’m faced with a decision to make

I’m living a race winning with sinning and hate

Grinning with fakes in the middle a prison escape

Incarcerated by my own thoughts

Haunted with a feeling that my lifetime has grown short

It’s the beginning of the end for me until they empty me

I fear the destiny of God or the devil himself that’ll send for me

Cut to the chase of my birth, cut from the face of the earth

Cut from the grace of the church, cut through the waist till it hurts

And no one around me wants to help to restore me

Lets face it, a mans downfall makes for a better story

The media will make a mockery out of the pain in my life

And you can tune in amusement on entertainment tonight

I’ve indulged on every bad chemical and became a grand spectacle

A punch line for the whole crowd to laugh hysterical

Money trashy women and substance addictions

Trapped in a chase, trying to run from afflictions

Drug dependencies suicidal tendencies

Forever sever me, how could it ever be

Pretend celebrity, with their lives in jeopardy

Success was the end of me, killing myself to live

Killing myself to live… alone in a crowded room

Killing myself to live…all the voices in my head saying

Killing myself to live…going through withdrawal and

Killing myself to live…I swear I’ll change tomorrow

I’ll look for solace in some organized religion

The more my eyes witness sin, the more I despise the living

My blasphemous past, made blasphemous cash

Now it’s all stacked in the trash, my actions is rash

I’m running with the sheep, blessed are the meek

Tongues possessing my speech, blood of an extra terrestrial freak

Got my sins deleted from Gods computer

Same god that bombs intruders over other God disputers

My rock and roll money was given to the lord

And seen the priest driving and automobile he shouldn’t afford

They stood and applaud the words I couldn’t absorb

Cause the hood here and abroad, is all good and clear to maraud

I’m in a haze again, returning to my wicked ways again

Stricken from his praise and then ripping the page condemned

Stand in darkness new addiction cut my frown

Hands of darkness the Crucifixion upside down

Drug dependencies suicidal tendencies

Forever sever me, how could it ever be

Pretend celebrity, with their lives in jeopardy

Success was the end of me, killing myself to live

Killing myself to live… alone in a crowded room

Killing myself to live…all the voices in my head saying

Killing myself to live…going through withdrawal and

Killing myself to live…I swear I’ll change tomorrow

Rebound of obsessions, sleeping deep down in regression

Found perfection in a heap mound of dissension

If you can’t beat it join it, smoke it drink it fly off the injection

Then lie lost in depression

Man what a rush, life’s plans in a flush the grandest of the rust

Stranded, I’m standing on the cusp..

It’s so easy to do wrong so easy to spew hate

I can’t leave it and move on, believe me its too late

That’s when I’m approached by the man from the network

Said if I can maintain the madness then man I can get work

They’re gonna cut me a big check to invade my privacy

Put me on the T.V. displaying demons inside of me

Being myself is a surreal life, feels like my shields died

Nowhere to kneel and hide, empty’s how I feel inside

All of the prayers crying I needed this

Ended a reality T.V. celebrity and died meaningless

Drug dependencies suicidal tendencies

Forever sever me, how could it ever be

Pretend celebrity, with their lives in jepardy

Success was the end of me, killing myself to live

Killing myself to live… alone in a crowded room

Killing myself to live…all the voices in my head saying

Killing myself to live…going through withdrawal and

Killing myself to live…I swear I’ll change tomorrow