Johnny Came Home Headless

Oh, Johnny was a tall man but his memory was short

He'd forget to duck at doorways and often he'd get hurt

I took good care of him for he had no family

Actually he did, but he forgot who they be

Johnny often liked to go out on the town

He'd forget where he'd be going so he'd just wander around

I knew when he was back for I would hear the smack

Of his head hitting the doorway but tonight it was alack

Johnny came home headless, it was a great disgrace

But wherever it's a-lying there's a smile upon his face

I should have seen it coming, he finally lost his mind

But if his head don't turn up soon then all his hats are mine

Johnny came towards me but suddenly he stopped

As if trying to think of something but having no luck

Still he didn't notice that his head weren't there

'Til he took out a brush and tried to comb his hair

I said, "Johnny where's your cranium?" but he didn't seem to know

He just shrugged his shoulders and tried to find his nose

And the sight of him there topless made me start to cry

For I feared we'd ne'er again see eye to eye

Johnny came home headless, it was a great disgrace

But wherever it's a-lying there's a smile upon his face

I should have seen it coming, he should have stayed in bed

For now I fear he'll spend his life just trying to get ahead

Refusing to believe that he had split for good

His lower half and me searched the neighbourhood

It soon became apparent that his head we wouldn't find it

He could not retrace his steps, he was absent minded

Well years went by til late one night I heard a voice I swore

Was Johnny calling out to me, I flung open the door

Johnny's head was home, it took a taxi cab

Alas, it was too late, his body had gone bad

Johnny's head was homeless, his body was cremated

And the funeral was harder than he had anticipated

I should of seen it coming he said in his eulogy

But never thought I'd have to say I ain't got no-body

(I ain't got nobody)

Johnny came home headless, it was a great disgrace

But now his head's upon a shelf, a smile upon his face

But now his head's upon a shelf, a smile upon his face