Oh God, I'm Santa Claus

Open my eyes, what a beautiful day

Just the type that makes me want to say hooray

I'm still a little fuzzy-headed from my sleep

Into my brain reality seeps

Look all around me, can't believe what I see

These little short people are surrounding me

I've got a white beard, a suit made of red

My soul becomes filled with a keen sense of dread

Oh God, I'm Santa Claus

Oh God, I'm Santa Claus

Oh God, I'm Santa Claus

Oh God, I'm Santa Claus

Hop out of bed, kick an elf in the chest

What an awful way to awake from a rest

"Santa, oh, Santa," the little gnomes cheer

"You shouldn't be nasty at this time of year!"

"What do you mean?" I say in a rage

"And what are you doing with those big burlap bags?"

The elves they do roar, "Why their full of toys

For you to deliver to the good girls and boys."

Oh God, I'm Santa Claus

Oh God, I'm Santa Claus

Oh God, I'm Santa Claus

Oh God, I'm Santa Claus

Resigned to my fate, I load up the sleigh

Harness the reindeer and get under way

It's nippy up here in the cool arctic sky

Good thing I remembered that bottle of rye

Flying over rooftops, throwing out toys

Hopefully crushing those good girls and boys

Like a bad dream, I pray for release

Please let this hellish existence be ceased!

Oh God, I'm Santa Claus

Oh God, I'm Santa Claus

Oh God, I'm Santa Claus

Oh God, I'm Santa Claus

From this nightmare I finally awake

My brain is on fire, my hands they do shake

But wait, they're not hands, they're cute little paws

I'm the Easter Bunny, I'm not Santa Claus!

Oh God, I'm the Easter Bunny

Oh God, I 'm Easter Bunny

Oh God, I'm Easter Bunny

Oh God, I'm Easter Bunny