The Assumption Song

There was an old farmer

Who lived on a rock

He sat in the meadow

Just shaking his

Fist at some boys

Who were down by the crick

Their feet in the water

Their hands on their

Marbles and playthings

And at half past four

There came a young lady

She looked like a

Pretty young creature

She sat on the grass

She pulled up her dress

And she showed them her

Ruffles and laces

And white fluffy duck

She said she was learning

A new way to

Bring up her children

So they would not spit

While the boys in the barnyard

Were shoveling

Refuse and litter

From yesterday's hunt

While the girl in the meadow

Was rubbing her

Eyes at the fellow

Down by the dock

He looked like a man

With a sizable

Home in the country

With a big fence out front

And if he asked her politely

She'd show him her

Little pet dog

Who was subject to fits

And maybe she'd let him

Grab hold of her

Small tender hand

With a movement so quick

And then she'd bend over

And suck on his

Candy, so tasty

Made of butterscotch

And then he'd spread whipped cream

All over her

Cookies that she had

Left out on her shelf

If you think this is dirty

You can go fuck yourself!