Toronto Sucks

I hate the skydome and the CN Tower too

I hate Nathan Phillips Square and the Ontario Zoo

The rents too high, the airs unclean

The beaches are dirty and the people are mean

And the women are big and the men are dumb

And the children are loopy 'cause they live in a slum

The water is polluted and the mayor's a dork

They dress real bad and they think they're New York

In Toronto, Ontario

"You know, actually I think I hate all of Ontario"

I hate Thunder Bay and Ottawa

Kitchener, Windsor, and Oshawa

London sucks and the Great Lakes suck

And Sarnia sucks and Turkey Point Sucks

I took a trip to ONtario to visit Brian Mulrooney

He beat me up and he stole my pants and he put me in a tree

I went to see the Maple Leafs and got hit in the head with a puck

"I don't even know how they did it, I was playing the orgon at the time!"

Ontariio Sucks

"actually, now tha I really think about it, I think I pretty much hate every gosh darn province and territory in our country!Except Alberta, yeah I love Alberta, lots of cows, trees, rocks, dirt"

I hate Newfoundland 'cause they talk so weird

And Prince Edward Island is too small

Nova Scotia's dumb 'cause it's the name of a bank

New Brunswick doesn't have a good mall

Quebec is revolting and it makes me mad

Ontario sucks, Ontario sucks,

"Manitoba's population density is 1.9 people per square kilometer. NOw isn't that stupid!?"

Saskatchewan is boring and the people are old

And as for the territories, they're too cold!

And the only really good thing about the province of British Columbia is that it's right next to us!"

'cause Alberta doesn't suck

But Calgary does