I Tripped Over The Ottoman

They call me Robert Petrie and I live in New Rochelle

With my wife Laura and son Ritchie

But now my life's a living hell cause...

I tripped over the ottoman

One too many times

I tripped over the ottoman

Until I lost my mind

I was head writer for Alan Brady

Maybe you've seen his show

It's not very funny and it makes my ears bleed

This week's guest star isn't Danny Thomas

This week's guest star is Death!

All day long I crank out one-liners

With Buddy, Sal and Mel

Once I laughed at Buddy's jokes

But now my life's a living hell cause...

I tripped over the ottoman

One too many times

I tripped over the ottoman

Until I lost my mind

Morey Amsterdam can make a sane man crazy

Morey Amsterdam could make a nice guy kill

(2x) and...

I tripped over the ottoman

One too many times

I tripped over the ottoman

Until I lost my mind

Come here Laura; come to me

I've been up all night listening to Ice-T albums

Now it's time for you to get yours

Hello Mel! This is my friend, Mr. Chain Saw!

Hello Buddy! It's time you die, like the pig you are

In the gutter, gasping for air

This is a hand grenade, Sal

A hand grenade!

Ya know what a hand grenade does?

It EXPLODES!

What did you bring me daddy? (3x)

Well, I brought you death!

All right!