If Stuart Could Talk

i got a little friend he's with me to the end

what does he say

i ask him for opinions and political decisions

each and every day

i know that it's a dream dirty and obscene anyway

if stuart could talk what would he say

if stuart could talk what would he say

if stuart could talk what would he say

what would he say if stuey could talk to me

whenever i'm alone i'm really not alone

he's always there

when i am going to falter and i'm standing at the alter

and there's not a prayer

i know it's up to him if i ever sin anyway

what would he say what would he say

"yes my name is stuart and i assure you i can speak

and lately i find myself astounded

at the sort of company you keep

something further i must mention

of this fact i cannot understand

is your insatiable attention at annoying me with your hand

and in closing may i offer this point must be succint

my purpose is for procreation

and not facilitating in your sin"