The Gutterati?

Well, I was chasing down flies and shooting up women

Trying to get the whole thing straight in my head

Lookin' for a girl who'd come with me swimming

And come and play tunes at the end of my bed

And all the hard men were drinkin' down petrol

I'm bammin' up the girls when in came the law

Heading for the door and getting tongue tied

When they asked me what exactly I saw

So I'll get some Monte Christos

And we can all go see the band

Well, I may not be a looker, yeah

But I'll help you any way I can

Well I'm back at my room I was making me nervous

Then I watched TV and picking my feet

Wishing I was pretty and burning my shoes

Wishing for once I'd kept the receipt

I called myself and wondered out loud

I tried to get the whole thing straight in my head

I left the tape running and played it back twice

But I couldn't make sense of what I had said

So I'll get some Monte Christos

And we can all go see the band

Well, I may not be a looker, yeah

But I'll help you any way I can, alright

Well, it may not make you handsome

And it may not even make you feel alive

You may not have the ransom

But you can always count on this

It's him and them and she and me

Sick and muddy, everybody

So I'll get some Monte Christos

And we can all go see the band

Well, I may not be a looker, yeah

But I'll help you any way I can

And you can bring your wasters banjo

Bring your sister and her friend Diane

Well, I may not have a big boys pistol

But I'll help them any way I can

And you can call me Cinderella

Call me your best man

Well, you may be a right old queen

But I'll help you any way I can, alright

It's alright