Lyrics The Handsome Family

The Handsome Family

The King Who Wouldn't Smile

There was a king who wouldn't smile

Sat on the toilet reading "The Trial."

His dogs chased their tails 'round and 'round

Midget cars arrived stuffed with clowns who served him quail eggs on toast

There was a king who never laughed

Fell in love with a two-headed calf

Filled his bath with razor blades

Tattooed his arm with the ace of spades, but the grass made fun of his shoes

There was king who cried and cried

Mice crawled in his shoes to die

He cried so much that herds of deer gathered to lick his salty tears so the king crawled under his bed.

Like a fish at the bottom of a pail, like a cricketswallowed by a whale,

like a chipmunk who's chewed off his tail, the king who wouldn't smile.