Call Me Maybe Parody

CARLY

We met last night at the club

You told me you were in love

Came home and smushed in the tub

And now you're in my yard

Woke up and saw you were gone

Your running across my lawn

without your pants or shoes on

Here comes my St. Bernard

Vodka was flowin'

Butt cleavage was showin'

Your mind I was blowin'

Man we were so freaking wasted

Tag, you're my boyfriend. My name is Carly

But all my doctors, just call me "crazy"

I made you poptarts with extra gravy

But I'm a call girl, you have to pay me!

Psych, I'm just kidding. Aren't I crazy

Let's watch 12 hours of Chelsea Lately

And all the other boys try to taaaaaze me

The doors are locked now. You can't escape me.

C'mon lets do sex again

I want to be more than friends

Look how far my legs can bend

DOUG

I'm sorry I can't stay

Look I don't mean to be rude

But, I don't think that we screwed

CARLY

I've got the pictures to prove it

Hey don't look away

You're my one and only

That's what my dog told me

But, don't think you own me

Now lets sacrifice some chickens

I've got some hand cuffs

Feel free to spank me

But here's the safe word

It's "call me maybe"

CARLY

Hey, this is my band, they seem to haaaate me

DOUG

They don't look like they're really playing

CARLY

Crap that's my husband he's in the NAVY

He's gonna to kill you. He's also crazy.

HUSBAND

I'm gonna kill you cus that's my "laaaady"

What's going on here?

CARLY

He tried to rape me

HUSBAND

When people try to rape "my wife" it makes me so mad. It makes me feel bad

I'm gonna kick your ass

Come to think of it my wife is just guy in drag I need a real man

So call me maybe