Rocky

Here's a little story that I think you'll like

It's not about Shaq or Iron Mike

So buckle your seatbelts, it's gonna get choppy

And listen to the tale of the time I fought Rocky

One day me and all my friends were hangin'

Talkin' 'bout which of the girls was most bangin'

Then one friend says, "You know who's really tough?

"Rocky," (hit me home) "the boxer." Man,

I said, "Yeah I know him. What about him?" He said,

"He's really tough." "No way, man. I'm calling your bluff

"I think that I can take him and, to prove my point,

"I'll challenge him in public." (Yeah, that's the joint!)

So the very next day, stayed true to my word

And I snuck on T.V. so I could be heard

I said, 'Rocky, if you're out there, I think you're a nerd.

"And I'll lick you and bury you like a dog turd!"

I got kicked out, but the candle was lit

'Cause the people had to know if my claim was legit

It made the headlines and I got the call

It was Rocky ("Hey") and he wanted to brawl

We negotiated terms and set the date

Then I went into training to add some muscle weight

While I punched on meat in a rickety shack

He was sippin' on wine, having models rub his back

At the weigh-in, boy the tension was high

Me and Rock, toe-to-toe and eye-to-eye

I talked some trash, we got pulled apart

I shot him one last look to strike fear in his heart

Skip ahead, the big night was finally here

My body was ripped and my mind was clear

We entered the arena to the roar of the crowd

People chantin' my name - I never felt so proud

Faced off once more in the center of the ring

Touched gloves, said a prayer and the bell went *ding*

He hit me with a left and shattered my face

And a right sent my teeth all over the place

Then another great punch caved-in my eye socket

He broke my jaw and my trainer yelled, "Stop it!"

But nobody heard him and he crushed my ribs

Blood sprayed off my face and onto some kids

They yelled out, "More!" and Rocky obliged

I had to think of some way to turn the tides

So I leaned back to hit him with all of my might

Took a swing, but he caught me with a sucker punch right

Then a sucker punch left and a sucker punch right

Then twenty-two consecutive sucker punch rights

He tore off my arms and beat me with 'em

Then threw acid in my face which obscured my vision

He kicked me in the leg and fractured my shin

The bone splinters shot right out of my skin

People barfed in the crowd; they were going insane

And Rocky punched my nose-bone into my brain

I was quivering and twitching when I soiled my shorts

Then Rocky pissed on me (customary in sports)

The doctor came out and pronounced me dead

And that was the night I fought Rocky