Swiss-army Girlfriend

She's the slickest chick I've ever known

I take her with me wherever I go to rope in all my fears

And open all my beers and to never ever leave me alone

She's tiny, shiny and bright, almost too sharp but not quite

She does it all somehow

She's in my pocket now but I'm gonna take her out tonight

She's my Swiss army girlfriend

She's holding up her end, and she's all mine

So I got a Valentine to send

Do I have to draw a diagram?

When I'm out of luck or in a jam

She can get me hot and out of tight spots

And she's ready whenever I am

She slices, dices and more

She can handle any household chore

And I love the feel of her stainless steel

When we're rolling all around on the floor

She's my Swiss army girlfriend

She's in my dresser drawer

And I'm all hers

And we've got a universe to explore

And I love her so, though she may never know

Just how low I would go

To keep her by my side

And open wide for when our worlds collide

She's the only game in town

She's a thriller that you can't put down

So enjoy this song because before too long

We're gonna run each other into the ground

She's my Swiss army girlfriend

We've barely started yet

But we're all set

And we've got a bassinet to get