The Song For Phil Daoust

This is a song for Phil Daoust

Occasional Guardian newspaper journal-oust

I never ever ever mentioned your name

Or the review that you wrote, when I was new to this game

But now the time has come

I think I've dealt with my feelings at last

I really wanna forgive ya, Phil

Yeah, I wanna put the past in the past-a

Oh, and as this is London town

I thought I outta take the opportunity

'Cause there's a pretty good chance

Somebody out there will know you

Maybe they will pass on a message for me

Just wanna say, Phil Daoust

Occasional Guardian newspaper journal-oust

That it's been three years since you wrote it

And time is very healing

But I still wanna cut big chunks of flesh out of your stupid face

And make your children watch while I force you to eat them

Yeah, I wanna make your children watch you eat your own face-meat

Ding dang, ding dang dong

This is my Phil Daoust song

Everybody sing along

La-la-la-la-la-la-la

I hope one of your family members dies

Phil, ding dang dong

I've written you this special song

To help you get the attention

You obviously, desperately lack

And I know that you're a smart man

And with such a fine mind, I guess it has to be hard

To resist throwing narcissistic, intellectual tantrums

In the supermarket aisles of your self-regard

Just wanna say, Phil Daoust

I know it must be really hard to be a journal-oust

While a deadline's always looming, and the pressure to be entertaining

So maybe you should quit and get a job that you'd be better at

Like killing yourself, you fucking cunt

Ding dang, ding dang dong

This is my Phil Daoust song

Everybody sing along

Tra-la-la-la-la-la-la

I hope something you love catches on fire

Phil, ding dang dong

I've written you this special song

To show how far I've come along

In my efforts to be more mature in the face of negative feedback

You fucking poo-face