Hand Me Down My Jogging Shoes

I was out for a stroll, just a-walking a pup

Checking the scene, seeing what was up

I wasn't bothering nobody, I was easing on down the road

Just behind me come a piddy piddy pat

I said "Good Lord, tell me what was that"

I turned and looked and my brain took an overload

Down the trail and around the farm

Come a thousand people with their underwear on

Picking 'em up, laying 'em down like mad

Puffing and groaning, their faces all red

Eyes rolled back in their sweaty heads

I never saw so many people look so bad

Crying "Come on, Harry! Come on, Sue

We're gonna do what the magazines tell us to

Get ourselves in shape the fashionable way

Twenty-five laps around the pond

Will make us tall and slim and blonde

Oh, hand me down my jogging shoes today"

The sound was strictly rolling thunder

My dog took off with his tail tucked under

I stood at the side of the road and watched 'em pass

Their shirts were nicely understated

They all looked terribly dedicated

Some looked strong and some looked low on gas

Some were built like land-locked whales

Some wore shorts from Bloomingdales

Some had legs that looked like six feet long

They clearly come to do or die

And as that herd went thundering by

So help me folks, they all broke into song

They said, "Come on, Harry! Come on, Sue

We're gonna do what the magazines tell us to

Get ourselves in shape the fashionable way

Twenty-five laps around the pond

Will make us tall and slim and blonde

Oh, hand me down my jogging shoes today"

I knew that they'd get fit or bust

I knew by the size of the cloud of dust

I knew by the sound of the blisters going "crack"

I thought I'd head back to the farm

When suddenly someone snagged my arm

And there I was in the middle of the seething pack

I was sweating like a fool; I was out of breath

I was trying to keep from getting tramped to death

I must have been an edifying sight to see

I cried, "You folks can jeer and scoff

But my legs are broken; they're falling off"

And by now you know what they turned and said to me

They said, "Come on, Harry! Come on, Sue

We're gonna do what the magazines tell us to

Get ourselves in shape the fashionable way

Twenty-five laps around the pond

Will make us tall and slim and blonde

Oh, hand me down my jogging shoes today"

Twenty-five laps around the pond

Will make us tall and slim and blonde

Oh, hand me down my jogging shoes today