Modern Maturity

When you find it in your mail for the first time, my friend

Then you'll know that you've turned a corner and you're getting’ grey

It's a sure sign of decline, it's the start of the end

When your wrinkles outnumber your hairs, then it's headin’ your way

Modern Maturity means you're getting old

And now you get the magazine that you hide from your friends

Once it was Rolling Stone, it was thrill after thrill

And now Modern Maturity means over the hill

When Mick Jagger has his breakfast of yogurt and bran

Does he read of prescriptions by mail, or of self-rising chairs

Oh, you keep on rockin’ and rollin’ as long as you can

Then you sit in your little seat and you ride up the stairs

Modern Maturity means you're getting old

A-now you get the magazine that you hide from your friends

Once it was Rolling Stone, it was thrill after thrill

And now Modern Maturity means over the hill

I look through its pages and what I see there

Is that everyone looks about twenty-five with white hair

You can get polyester pants for nineteen ninety-five

You can get your grandchildren's picture on your coffee cup

If you're tired of walkin’, there's a scooter that you can drive

Or a button to push if you've fallen and you can't get up

Modern Maturity means you're getting old

And now you get the magazine that you hide from your friends

Once it was Rolling Stone, it was thrill after thrill

And now Modern Maturity means over the hill