Fool To Myself

There were times in my life

I avoided the voice of my reason

When respect for myself

Was the search for a hole in the wall

When I hated my face and

Evaded my gaze in the mirror

Been a fool to myself but

I ain't gonna do it no more

I believed all the crap that

Fanatics were happy to parrot

And their world of uncomfortable

Certainties made me secure

I conformed and performed

All their torturous mental contortions

Been a fool to myself but

I ain't gonna do it no more

Living each day in a

Permanent haze of frustration

Too eager to please and

Too scared to say boo to a hen

Lying awake going over

Each humiliation

I've been kicking myself

Again and again and again

I've tried to be nice all the time

And control my emotions

I've pretended I wanna make love

When I'm ready for war

And I've planned every move

And manoeuvre in human relations

Been a fool to myself but

I ain't gonna do it no more

I'm sick to the gills of appeasing the creeps who abuse me

All the sorrys, I've muttered to others for nothing at all

Of accepting the verdict of vermin who lie and accuse me

Been a fool to myself but

I ain't gonna do it no more

Been a fool to myself but

I ain't gonna do it no more