The Trouble with Tribbles

I worked on a garbage skow,

near the Neurtral Zone.

And I'm sure you've heard,

what occurs

When a fella is alone.

I was mighty lonely there

till I met a man named Jones

and he sold me a muff,

covered in fluff

so I wouldn't have to

spank my bone.

Get your self a tribble

and then you're good to go.

If you've got enough

quadrotriticale

you'll have an endless

supply of hos.

I grabbed myself some Vaseline

and slathered up my pole

But the trouble with these tribbles

They're fuzzy and they're cute

but I can never find the hole.

They're fuzzy and they're cute

but I can never find the hole!

That mate there is Scotty,

he's our chief engineer.

and he's never had a ho

cause most don't know

he's queer as Vulcan beer!

I caught him with some tribbles

I said 'boy are you dumb?

Hear to my song, you're doing it wrong'

he was shoving them up his bum!

Klingon captain Koloth

He's mean as he is shrewd.

And on shore leave, he got us peeved

because he's very rude.

We beamed all of our tribbles

to Koloth and his crew

but from the yells we couldn't tell

who was raping who!

Bones says these critters are all pregnant when they're born.

I had just one now I've a thousand maybe more!

I have so many now, I know just what to do ( I screwed this line up in the video!)

I think I'll start an interstellar heavy petting zoo!

I was on K7 when I saw Mr. Jones

I gave him what for and said there's more,

I've come to pick a bone.

That tribble that you sold me,

it had no hole to screw.

"You dope," he said, "You don't screw them!

You let those things screw you!"

So grab yourself a tribble

and then you're good to go..

If you have enough quadrotriticale

you'll have a dozen of them in your hole!

Get your self some Vaseline and

slather up your rump.

'Cause the nice things bout these tribes

They're fuzzy and they're cute

and you can put em in your bum

So go back to your quarters

and on your bunk you lay.

You hope and pray that on our way

we pass a bird of prey

Tribbles hate the Klingons

they really make em go.

They get irate and they vibrate

up in your heiney hole!

So grab yourself a tribble

and then you're good to go.

If you have enough quadrotriticale

you'll have a dozen of them in your hole!

Get your self some Vaseline and

slather up your rump.

The nice things bout these tribes

They're fuzzy and they're cute

and you can put em in your bum.

These tribbles boldly going, into your frackin' hole!