The Pensive Disarray

I seek to find

All the things that I have found

All the times that I have lost so

I seek to yield

To the pressures of today

To the pensive disarray

But I'm still folding

holding onto what I've got

I seek to bring

All the gifts of inner core

To the ones that I adore so

I can surround

myself with the ones I love

with the ones I trust and I'm still holding

Holding onto what I've got

I take the pressure now

I take the silent sour

I keep believing

I hold the reason

I hold the answer how

Will I know why right now

I hold the reason

I am deceiving

I breathe the

I feel the

And I wonder I ponder I can't escape from me again

Like the silent abode

In the tears I will glow

It's illusion I crave

It's the feeling I savour and the

Subatomic niveau

Into pieces I go

Judging all that I see

In the absence of glee and you always say

I know the answer now and feel

I know what you have said is real and I am suffering again

Taking all the pain

I hold the answer

How will I know why right now?

What is the reason for this pensive disarray?