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Once, there was this kid who

Took a trip to Singapore and brought along his spray paint

And when he finally came back

He had cane marks all over his bottom

He said that it was from when

The warden whacked it so hard

Mmm mmm mmm mmm, mmm mmm mmm mmm

[whip sound] Ahh

Once there was this girl who

Swore that one day she would be a figure skating champion

And when she finally made it

She saw some other girl who was better [ding sound]

And so she hired some guy to

Club her in the kneecap

Mmm mmm mmm mmm, mmm mmm mmm mmm

[thwack sound] Ahh

Mmm mmm mmm mmm, mmm mmm mmm mmm

They got paid for their sound bites

And sold their TV movie rights

And then, there was this guy who

Made his wife so mad one night that she cut off his weiner

And when he finally came to

He found that Mr. Happy was missing

He couldn't quite explain it

It'd always just been there

Mmm mmm mmm mmm, mmm mmm mmm mmm

Mmm mmm mmm mmm, mmm mmm mmm mmm

Ahh ahh (There) ahh ahh (Were), ahh ahh (There) ahh ahh (Is)

Ahh ahh (There) ahh ahh (Were), ahh ahh (There) ahh ahh (Is)

Ahh ahh (There) ahh ahh (Were), ahh ahh (There) ahh ahh (Is)

Ahh ahh (There) ahh ahh (Were), ahh ahh (There) ahh ahh (Is)

(There were, there is)

(There were, there is)