You Don't Love Me Anymore

We've been together for so very long

But now things are changing, oh I wonder what's wrong?

Seems you don't want me around

The passion is gone and the flame's died down

I guess I lost a little bit of self-esteem

That time that you made it with the whole hockey team

You used to think I was nice

Now you tell all your friends that I'm the Antichrist

Oh, why did you disconnect the breaks in my car?

That kind of thing is hard to ignore

Got a funny feeling you don't love me anymore

I knew that we were having problems when

You put those piranhas in my bathtub again

You're still the light of my life

Oh darling, I'm beggin', won't you put down that knife?

You know, I even think it's kinda cute the way

You poison my coffee just a little each day

I still remember the way that you laughed

When you pushed me down that elevator shaft

Oh, if you don't mind me asking, what's this poisonous cobra

Doing in my underwear drawer?

Sometime I get to thinking you don't love me any more

You slammed my face down on the barbecue grill

Now my scars are all healing, but my heart never will

You set my house on fire

You pulled out my chest hairs with an old pair of pliers

Oh, you think that I'm ugly and you say that I'm cheap

You shaved off my eyebrows while I was asleep

You drilled a hole in my head

Then you dumped me in a drainage ditch and left me for dead

Oh, you know this really isn't like you at all

You never acted this way before

Honey, something tells me you don't love me any more, oh no no

Got a funny feeling you don't love me anymore

[approximately 10 minutes and 2 seconds of silence]

[some loud and spontaneous noises]